Straight from the Hottie's Mouth, Part 2
How to approach, talk to, and ask out the hotties of Chicago, from the hotties themselves!!
by Pete Garlock, Photography by Greg Vogt
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| Iwona |
Carli |
Stacy |
Thuy |
Agnes |
If you read our article in the last issue, you’d know that the men of Chicago were lucky enough to have five beautiful and sexy Hotties give us some great advice on how to approach unknown women. I’m hoping (and assuming) their advice helped. I know it did for me…and it especially helped my photographer, Greg, who I last saw in a club using this advice on some hot Swedish flight attendant, and haven’t heard from him since August. I’d say I missed him, but I’ve been taking the pictures myself, so screw him!
Now, if you missed the article, that’s OK. Just go to soakmag.com, order the October/November issue, read it (so you’re caught up), and then subscribe to SOAK so you won’t miss any more of this great advice!! Go ahead, call; I’ll wait…
OK, welcome back. Anyway, we realized that by giving you this advice, we may have left you hanging a bit. Sure, we told you how to get your foot in the door with a hot new woman, but once you were inside you may have thought to yourself, “OK, now what do I do?” Well, this is why we’ve returned, to help you through what should happen next.
We went back out there and found five brand new hotties (it’s a tough job) and got their advice. How can guys maintain a conversation long enough to get a woman interested, ask for her number, and then get a date? If you did what the first group of hotties said, you’ve got the approach down, made a great first impression, captured her interest, and now you can see that she wants to get to know you. So here’s what the new “Hottie Fab Five” told us:
Stand and be recognized
By now you’ve taken the previous hotties’ advice and have successfully worked your way over to your target. She’s probably with other people at the table, so whatever you do, do not make yourself at home. The table is their home, not yours…at least, not yet. While you’re talking with her, wait to be invited to sit down. For Agnes, a 21 year-old waitress, who probably has one of the most gorgeous faces I’ve ever laid eyes on, this is one of the first things she takes notice of. “If a random guy just sits down at our table when we’re talking, I would definitely find it rude and intruding.” Thuy, (pronounced Twee), a 29 year-old account executive who makes you struggle to determine which is more beautiful, her looks or amazing personality, also says, “A guy should stand until he is invited to sit. Most of the time, if my girlfriends are out and we are sitting down at a table, it means that we are doing our own thing. If we wanted to meet other people, then we would get up, mingle, and look more approachable.” In other words, the idea here is to wait for the green light.
You might want to start things off by buying her a drink. Carli, 22, an interior designer and self-described “sports junkie” who’s also hot (making her quite possibly the most perfect woman ever), says, “It shows he has manners if he buys me a drink, that he’s not cheap and is a polite person.” And to really impress her, don’t stop there. Buy her friends one, too. Iwona, a 20-year old receptionist/assistant, who also happens to be Agnes’ sister (which makes you wish you grew up living next to that gene pool) agrees, “Yes, why not buy my friends a drink? That’s just being nice!” (However you may want to count heads first, in case she’s there with her sorority).
OK, you’ve started the small talk and waited for the invite to sit down, which eventually comes. Now comes the hard part: really talking to her! Just remember, the last group of Hotties said that confidence is the key, not cockiness! So be relaxed and be assured. Get the woman to talk about herself. A good sign that people are feeling comfortable is when they‘re doing a lot of the talking, especially on a topic they know a lot about. And the one topic everyone knows the most about is themselves. So ask her a lot of questions about herself. Stacy, a 23 year-old fulltime student, who is most likely every red-blooded college professor’s dream (and yes, I did ask her to call me sometime when she had no class) tells us, “I like to talk about school, because I really value intelligence in a guy above everything else. And family life is very important to me. I am very close to my family.” Iwona is less concerned about what topics to talk about, as long as the guy talks! “The guy has to be able to hold a conversation. One thing that really bugs me is when guys just stare, but won’t say anything.” And when you do talk, take it easy with the compliments. Carli advises, “Don’t be overly complimentary with a girl. They’ll think that you are annoying and just trying to spit out stuff to keep their attention.”
The Hotties gave me this very important tip: when you’re talking, use her name as much as possible. This’ll make her feel like she’s known you for a lot longer than the two minutes you’ve just spent together. Plus it’ll help you remember her name later. Trust me, there’s nothing worse than having a great date and not being able to remember her name at the end of the night. “Hey…um, YOU…want to go out again?” It just doesn’t work.
Remember: Funny is Money!
If you recall from the last issue, the first group of Hotties told us the most important quality a woman looks for in a man is a great sense of humor, and the five new Hotties confirmed it. Stacy says, “If a guy has a good sense of humor, I could listen for hours, because I love to laugh!” Iwona says likewise: “I love it when guys have a great sense of humor, it totally gets me interested!” And the other three agree as well. So let’s review: Ten…count ‘em, ten extremely attractive women of the city have all said that making them laugh gets you in! But if your idea of funny is Ziggy cartoons, clever articles in the Wall Street Journal, or reruns of “Mama’s Family,” then you suck at humor and you need help. Go to Borders and get a joke book. Take a class at Second City. Rent Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious.” Now those things are funny! Or, you could just fall down a lot.
After that, if you still find that funny isn’t your thing, being polite and sincere may work just as well. Thuy says asking questions like, “How has your day been?” are sweet and simple. “The first time a guy asked me this question, I was impressed. It’s a very open-ended question that allows you to bring up any topic” (By the way Thuy, for the 5013th time, how was your day today?!?! Damn, still nothing!)
Things to Avoid
One important thing to remember when having the initial conversation: try not to have it where it’s noisy. With the blaring music, the people screaming at each other, and the drunken guys loudly playing The Golden Tee like it’s the Masters, a bar can be very difficult place to carry on a conversation. Some lucky dude meeting Agnes for the first time can expect this: “I think it’s difficult to meet guys at a bar or club because it’s so loud. I’d rather give my number to someone that I thought was interesting, then talk later on in a quiet and sober atmosphere.” And like Thuy suggests, “If it’s too loud, we can move to a quieter area or get closer so that we can hear each other…which might not be such a bad thing…” (I immediately suggested to Thuy that we continue this interview at the nearest Metallica concert. She said she could hear me just fine.)
While being able to be heard is a good thing, there are certain things some girls just don’t want to hear. Here’s what you shouldn't say. Agnes: “I hate a guy that talks about how much money he makes.” Says Carli, “Girls love compliments, but tasteful ones! Not like, ‘Wow, you’ve got a really nice ass!’ I hate that!” (Jeez, Carli, I said I was sorry! I swear I meant it as a compliment!) Stacy, however, is bugged by something other than a guy saying the wrong thing. “One thing I can’t stand is a guy who smokes, I find that to be a very weak trait and unattractive.” Trust me, if you end up talking to Stacy, you can hold off on the smoke for a while.
Eye-to-eye contact?
Making eye contact is always an important trait in a conversation, but it’s especially important when talking to a woman for the first time. Always make eye contact when talking to her…but not too much. You don’t want to be the “creepy, staring guy,” which is how she will refer to you with her friends after she’s fled from you. But don’t look away a lot, either. Thuy says, “Men with wandering eyes will lose my interest. If a guy has approached me, but he’s still scanning the room, then I know that he’s not sincere about getting to know me.”
And a few of the girls said NOT to look her up down like you’re buying a car! You’ll ruin your chances by doing something dumb like that, so control yourself. (I swear, no matter how big her boobs are, they won't just pop out of her shirt and start dancing on the table. So there’s no point in staring down there like you’re expecting them to!)
But sometimes making an impression can be something as simple as a smile. Carli confesses, “Be sure to smile...smiles say everything!” (So I did, a lot. Carli told me to stop, it creeped her out. Make a note of that, fellas.)
Take the hint, take a hike
While I’m mostly trying to help find ways to get a number and a date with this new hottie, I thought it might also be a good opportunity to find out how to get the hell out of there when things start going south. So I asked this bevy of beauties what are some signs a guy should look for when the interest just isn’t there. The unanimous response was the same. Said Agnes, “I look away, talk to other people. Basically no eye contact.” The same goes for Stacy: “Oh, I definitely look away and continue to talk to my friends. Or I completely just walk away.” Iwona, too: “I’ll start talking to one of my friends, maybe find someone else I know in the crowd, or say I’ll be right back.” Agrees Thuy, “I turn my back to him and talk to other people. I’ve been very upfront with guys and have told them that I’m not interested. I don’t want to lead them on.” Believe me, it doesn’t get any clearer than that! As harsh as it might sound, in their defense, the dominant reason for getting this type of treatment, they said, is usually because the guys receiving it are the ones who act like jackasses and who treat them disrespectfully.
But sometimes you can be funny, kind, and intelligent, but the attraction just isn’t there. When you know you’re in this situation, that’s when you simply get up, wish her a great night, and POLITELY assure her that you got the message! Say something like, “Well, I’d better get back to my friends and I’ll let you get back to yours. But it was really great getting to know you.” I’m sure you guys would rather get kicked in nuts with a pair of golf shoes than to say something like that to a woman who just shot you down, but try it, who knows? Maybe she won’t be expecting such a nonchalant response and think to herself, “Hmm, maybe I should give this guy a second look.” And maybe later on she’ll see you talking to some other Hottie and change her mind about you. Now you look like the man because the first girl you talked to gets jealous and starts a fight with the second girl, and they start wrestling and ripping off each other’s clothes, fall into a fountain, and before you know it…sorry, I got off topic…all because you were polite and mature about getting blown off. If that’s not a good enough reason to be a man when getting dissed, then hell, there ARE no good reasons!
All clear! Ask her out!
I asked the Hotties what signals they give, to show that they are interested. (Well, besides the two half-naked chicks wrestling over you in a fountain!) Here’s what they said to look for. Thuy likes to drop hints. “I give certain clues throughout the evening, such as movies or plays that I’ve been wanting to see, concerts & bands that I’ve been wanting to hear, or restaurants and bars that I’ve been wanting to try. So take a hint: Girls wouldn’t be bringing up these things if we didn’t want you to ask us out.” Adds Stacy, “I smile a lot, so that probably would be a great indicator of my interest in a guy.”
However, the “Super Sexy Sisters” are less complicated to figure out. Iwona: “I ask him what he’s doing that weekend or just ask him if he wants to do something.” Agnes: “I’m a very straightforward person. If I want to go out with someone, I’ll ask if he wants to go out.” (Like walking on the moon or riding a dinosaur, those are two experiences I know will never happen to me ever in my lifetime!)
Call Signs
You’ve read the signs, you’ve felt the casual touch on the arm, she’s laughed at every stupid joke you made, or… if she’s one of the sexy sisters, apparently she’s grabbed you by the shirt, pulled your face to hers and yelled, “Ask me out, bitch!!” Based on those subtle signs, you have a feeling she’s down for date! (Atta boy, I’m so proud of you!) So go ahead and ask for the digits. If she gives them to you, then the next thing is to decide with her when to call. Iwona says, “I definitely prefer him to wait a day or two. But if a guy calls you that very same day, I would think they are obsessive.” And some make it easier than others to know when to call, like Carli: “If I give you my number, let’s not play games. Call me the next day. High school is over and wondering when to call shouldn’t be an issue.” Adds Stacy, “I will just come right out with it and tell him.” Agnes, too! “I’m a very straightforward person. If I want to go out with someone, I’ll ask him if he wants to go out.” (It’s unbelievable that women like this really DO exist outside of late-night cable movies.)
But all the Hotties agree that if you’ve been talking for a while, you’ll have a sense if she wants to go out with you or not. If the feeling is good, then go ahead and ask her out. Trust them…they’ve assured me that she’s waiting for you to ask…
The Element of Surprise
By now our Hotties have successfully navigated you through the approach, the conversation, the asking for the digits, and the request for the first date. Now comes the time where you figure out what to do on that date. The Hotties say, don't ask them. Iwona confesses, “I love surprises, and not knowing what the guy has planned for our date.” Carli feels the same. “I like guys to take the initiative when planning a first date. It shows they’re putting thought into what the date will be like, and that they care it’s a good one.” And finally, Thuy puts in into perspective for us: “I like for the guy to make the plans. There’s something sexy about a guy taking charge. Plus this will show how much effort he’s putting into the date.” (This is where I demanded we finish the interview at Metallica! This is where she demanded we stay put, which, of course, we did.)
So try to determine from the first conversation what she likes to do or likes to eat. Does she seem casual or dressy? What are her interests? Try to spot these things, then plan the date around them. This goes back to that whole “get her to talk about herself” tip.
Leave her wanting more
Just as the group before was unanimous in saying a man’s best trait is his sense of humor, this group was in total agreement (and quite adamant) about another specific issue. When you’ve established that you’ll be going out on a first date (or that you’re going to call her), they feel you should not kiss the woman goodbye…don’t even try! Each of the Hotties told me that it’s NOT OK to expect a kiss from them just because you’ve been talking for a while, even if you’ve made plans to go out. That’s only the first step, and there’s a loooong way still to go before anything like that happens. After all, when you take your first steps as a child, you don’t immediately start running a marathon!! And most of the girls say they don’t even kiss on the first date, so getting a kiss after only your first conversation is definitely out of the question!
Says Stacy: “He will definitely get a hug from me, but usually I don’t even kiss on the first date.” Agnes confirms, “If I just met someone and I don’t really know him, a hug would be nice.” Carli takes it a little further, but hold on guys, it’s not that far. “I appreciate a casual 'at the same time kiss on the cheek' kiss,” she says. “It’s respectful and just enough affection to be able to talk about it with your friends later!” Iwona reassures us, “I don’t mind a small kiss on the cheek saying thanks and good night.” (Which if you met her, is more than most of us could ask for!)
So there you have it, five more Hotties, five more great insights into meeting those gorgeous, single women out there. Let’s recap:
Stand until she says sit!
Relax and chat (mostly about her).
Make her laugh, and she’ll laugh with you…on your date!
Look into her gorgeous eyes.
No body part should be commented on or gazed upon!
If she turns away, you go away.
Be the man, make the plans.
Give her a little squeeze, then leave.
And you most definitely should follow this advice. Not only do these Hotties really know what they’re talking about, but let’s face, if you were talking to them in person, I’m certain you’d do whatever they’d say anyway….
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