Secrets of the Mack
No Shows
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I was hoping this would never happen to me, but it has. Last weekend, I got stood up by a girl. It’s not a big deal to me now, but at the time, I was pissed! Waiting there for 15, 20, then 30 minutes and getting mad because she was late, then getting even more pissed because I realized she wasn’t showing up. Now, I don’t know why I was so mad, but I know that I’m not the first guy that this has happened to. After about 45 minutes, I called her up asking where she was, and she gave me a bunch of excuses that really didn’t sound true. I’ll probably just move on, but I was wondering how do I better set up the meeting to prevent this in the future?
- Left Waiting
In movies and TV shows, being stood up is always made to sound like the worst possible thing that could ever happen. I never thought much of it, but having experienced it before, it does suck to spend time getting ready, preparing, and getting yourself excited and “in the zone” for a date that ends up never happening.
But being stood up is really not that bad, considering that I’ve had some dates that were so bad that I wished I’d been stood up. You’ll hear more about them in future columns.
Instead of calling and asking where she is, I would actually step outside, call, and act like I didn’t show up either. After about 20 minutes, I’d call and say, “Hey, I’m really sorry, but I’m running way late. I can be there in about 10 minutes!” If she just forgot, the meeting can still happen. If you get resistance, just turn up the charm and try to get her there.
What’s the best thing that could happen? She’ll say, “Well, I’ve been waiting here by myself for 20 minutes now! You’re really going to have to make it up to me when you get here!” Of course, she hasn’t, but now you know that she just forgot and is now on her way. Wait until she gets there, and walk in like you were never there.
If she’s 45 minutes late, I would say, “I’m SOOOO sorry that I missed our date! One of my friends was having a major crisis and I had to help her with it. I’ll explain everything to you tonight.” Just assume you’re going to have a makeup meeting, don’t ask for it. By the way, whenever you make an excuse, always make your “friend” a she. It never hurts to let her know that she’s got competition.
To prevent a no show from happening in the future, here are some tips that might help:
If you can, pick her up - Women usually won’t hand over their address until they know you, so picking her up from work might be the next best option. Keep it casual and say, “I’m going to be around that area. Why don’t I stop by your work and we can go grab a drink somewhere?”
Call while she’s still excited about you - When you first meet a woman and make that connection, she’s totally excited about you (that’s why she gave you her phone number). As days go by, the excitement fizzles and by the time you call her a few days later, she might not even remember you. One way to solve this is obviously to call her the very next day; forget that whole three-day rule! According to the classic movie Swingers, calling the next day makes you look needy, but at this point, I think waiting three days just because you’re afraid of looking needy, looks needy. In fact, I’ve had a lot of success calling a girl the same night I meet her, at like 4am and saying, “Hey, still awake? Then let’s go get some breakfast!”
Another way to prevent a no show is to set up some keywords that’ll trigger her memories of you and hopefully bring back that excitement she felt when you first met. For example, one keyword I like to use is “royalty.” The setup is to say, “You and me are the most important people in here. In fact, we should be royalty. From now on, I’m going to call you Princess and you call me Prince.” Stick with it for a while, and make it fun. When she gives you her number, tell her that she had better call you “prince” when you call. Then when you call her, greet her with, “Hey Princess!” This should be enough to bring the wonderful memories of you flowing back.
One last suggestion: Plan your meeting for the very next day - The closer you set up your meeting, the less chance she has to bail. If you set up your date for a week later, she’s got a whole week to forget you. Set it up for the nearest day that both of you are available. I like to keep it casual, like a lunch meeting or coffee in the afternoon the very next day. It’s best to keep your first meeting informal. Lunch or coffee on a weekday is a lot more innocent than dinner and a movie on a Saturday night. By the time the weekend rolls around, you’ve already had one “date” with her. Happy hunting!
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